You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t worry. Bringing a new life into the world is a scary prospect for all of us. When I was completely freaking out with worry, it would have helped to know that others mums went through the same thing as I was going through. In this article you will discover the five top worries that we mums have and the best ways to deal with your worries.
1. Will I be good enough?
2. Not loving the baby the way you think you should
3. What others might think
4. Lack of experience
5. Not knowing what baby wants
Will I be good enough?
Firstly, let me ask you, what do you consider will be good enough? What does that actually mean to you? Do you think that it means you will be wafting around in in floaty kaftan, or have perfect hair, immaculate make up and a big smile on your face? Or does it mean that once in a while you won’t be walking through the mall not smelling of baby puke?
We live in a society that sadly judges us on what we do or don’t do, a society that conditions us to be ‘perfect’ constantly imposing pressure from the media to look or behave in a certain way; there is no getting away from that.
Sally’s baby was 7 months old when her husband left her. He left her with bills to pay and she was running out of money. She was just about coping but struggled with her mother in law who was constantly judging her and the way that she did things for the baby. Mrs. G was, apparently, the perfect mother and was always telling Sally what to do.
It seemed that nothing that Sally did was good enough and she began to wonder if she was getting it all wrong. She began to doubt her own decisions and so took on some of the advice from Mrs G. But, much of the advice didn’t work for her baby and, quite frankly, things began to fall apart. Baby wasn’t sleeping at night, was always crying and Sally struggled to soothe her in any way. Sally felt stressed and now tearful as well. Her self-doubt grew worse.
Thankfully, Sally had joined a baby and toddler group and, one day, the group leader, Julie, asked her what was wrong. Sally poured out her heart and Julie listened. At the end of it Julie said
“Sally, this is your life and your baby. You deserve the right to make your own decisions and
also your own mistakes. You cannot judge yourself and your parenting by what others do or say.
People will judge you, that is human nature, but you don’t have to allow it to influence your choices.
You have to stand up for your own beliefs, do your own research and make informed choices.
Just think, what would you tell your daughter if she was all grown up and in your current situation now?
You are good enough for you and you don’t need permission from anyone to bring up your daughter the
way you feel is right for you and for her”
Sally felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. That night when Mrs. G came round, Sally politely explained that she wanted to do things her own way but that if she wanted advice could she please come to Mrs. G to ask for it. She spent more time talking to the new mums at baby and toddler group and realised that everyone had the same, or similar, fears as she did. It is okay to feel that you aren’t getting it right. All you can ever do is your best and that has to be good enough 100% of the time.
Not loving the baby the way you think you should
You might be surprised to hear how many new mums feel this way. Carrying baby for nine months is a beautiful but insular experience. Baby is all tucked up quietly and, apart from feeding your body in a healthy way and having regular check-ups, there isn’t much to do apart from looking forward to baby being born.
Then baby arrives and reality hits home. Suddenly, you are responsible for the health, well-being and upbringing of another human being. Your hormones are all over the place and the tasks ahead might seem gargantuan. You worry that you don’t feel the love for your baby that you expected, even assumed, you would feel naturally.
First thing to be aware of is that you may be experienced postpartum depression. Your body goes through a lot during pregnancy and delivery, so is flooded with chemicals that may leave you feeling tearful, emotional or unbalanced. This is perfectly normal for many women so have a chat with your doctor or midwife for advice on how to manage these imbalances.
Once everything settles down, you will find it easier to bond with baby.
I struggled for the first few months of my baby being born, it was a horrible feeling but now I would lay my life down for him. I don’t like taking medication, so I sought help from a counselor and took natural supplements (having checked with my doctor first)
On a deeper level, it can also depend on your own family background. Did you come from a loving and caring family or was emotion and affection withheld from you. If postpartum depression is ruled out or adjusted, then do seek help to talk about your feelings. With a new baby, these old childhood wounds can sometimes resurface.
Some mothers say that even though they thought they were prepared mentally and emotionally for baby’s arrival, they went through what felt like a form of shock and fear. Being responsible for such a vulnerable being is a massive undertaking that can be overwhelming. I truly believe that the secret is to talk to people that understand what you are feeling, a counselor or other new mums. Knowing that you are not alone with your feelings will help you a lot to settle down and relax into being the loving mum you know you are underneath all the other emotions.
What others might think
Try not to worry about what other people think. I know this is easy to say and hard to do. I worried about it like crazy but am lucky that I have a level headed mum to keep reminding me that no one else’s opinions matter other than my own. For me, I think this was compounded by suddenly finding myself in a situation that I did not expect and that was to be a single mum after my husband walked away saying he could not cope with being a father. I worried about being judged on that, even though it was not my fault.
The main thing is that you know that no matter what you do or don’t do, there will always be people that judge you. This may be your spouse, your family, friends, colleagues or complete strangers. For some odd reason, people seem to believe that they have the right to do this. We cannot stop them from doing it but we can stop how we react to it.
It is easier if we understand that people think they are coming from a good place. Some people may have opinions that they don’t share with you but seem to delight in sharing with others so it eventually gets back to you. Let your reaction be the same. It really does not matter what anyone else thinks as long as you are doing your best for you and your baby.
Lack of experience
The only way to gain experience is to gain experience. Of course you will not know many things. My savior was the baby and toddler group. Here I could ask many questions and talk to other mums. Most felt the same as I did. I worried like crazy about getting things wrong. Did I get many things wrong? You bet, but nothing was so bad that it harmed my baby. I still have days where I feel like I don’t know what I am doing.
As Paul grows each day, he seems to change each day, so my knowledge and experience is constantly evolving as will yours. There are many good books available, loads of data on the Internet and many mums who love to help new mums. I will try and dig out some good books once we get the online store going so I can share them with you.
Not knowing what baby wants
This is not that dissimilar to the post on lack of experience. My friend Sam, recently took her baby to the doctor because she always seemed to be crying. After a quick examination, the doctor gave a very simple explanation for the constant crying, he said, “My dear, your baby is hungry, she needs more food!” Rather shocked, but relieved, Sam increased her baby’s food and, very soon, found herself with a contented, sleepy and quiet baby.
My advice is to talk to your midwife or doctor and also to new mums and experienced mums. There is no magic secret really. If you don’t know something and you want to know, simply ask and you will find a solution.
There are thousands of things that new mums worry about. I want to reassure you that you are not alone; there are millions of new mums just like you. We will be writing more articles on this subject so keep a look out for those.
The best thing we ever purchased was a baby monitor. A baby monitor can help you to stay connected with your baby even when you are not next to him. You can hear every sound or movement from your baby. Check out the range of best seller monitors featured on our fantastic baby monitor review page
There are so many things to think about when your baby is born. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t make mistakes. So, these five ‘mistakes’ are all natural and to be expected. We all do them, and we think it will help you to know that you are not alone.
[READ MORE …}